i love accidental penises.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
