My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
