if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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