also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
