Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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