Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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