You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
