I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
