I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
