:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm too high and old for this...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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