Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
