When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
