last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
