the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
