hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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