I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
