if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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