I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize