Do you still have your period?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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