Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize