Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
