Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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