We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
