my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
