I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You are a genius and a whore.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
