just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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