So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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