Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
