my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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