I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
