I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
