its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
