oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
