the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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