I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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