a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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