we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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