Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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