I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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