I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
