hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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