i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
