I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
