so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
