Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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