Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
