Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize