i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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