i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
