he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize