Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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