They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
