How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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