You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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