no, he came in my armpit
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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