i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
