he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
