omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
