u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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