Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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