I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
