i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
