I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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