im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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