I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
COCAINE IS GR8
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
