I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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